Tag Archives: horrible experience

Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be Healed

 Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; Save me, and I shall be saved, For You are my praise.

(Jeremiah 17:14 NKJV)

This is a prayer that I was fervently praying Sunday night as I sat in the emergency room at my local hospital, feeling sicker than I ever remember feeling in my life. I started getting terribly sick Saturday evening, after getting home from my granddaughter’s birthday party, and the sickness continued into Sunday morning, and Sunday afternoon, and Sunday evening, and I seriously thought I was dying. Now, before anyone else says it, I’ll say it for you — I am a total wimp when it comes to nausea. I don’t much like pain either, but if I have to choose, I’ll take pain over nausea any day!

I was so sick Sunday, and I’m usually filled with hope, but that day, I couldn’t muster any hope up. I was in a dark black place that was pretty awful, and I began having terrible thoughts of dying. In the midst of that blackness, I caught a glimpse of my own mortality, and I was frightened. After refusing to go to the ER all day, despite my husband’s numerous suggestions, suddenly, I was afraid to turn the light out and go to bed, I was so sick. I was exhausted, but so miserable that I couldn’t sleep except for five to ten minute snatches here and there, and the nausea was unbearable, and somewhere in the midst of all of that nausea and sickness, I got an unrelenting headache that wouldn’t loose its grasp on me.

I knew I should pray for myself, but I couldn’t, except to groan and cry, “O God! Help me! Jesus – please help me!” And truthfully, I didn’t do a whole lot of that either. I whined, and I complained, and I moaned and I groaned. Let’s just say that those who think of me as a strong and mighty warrior of Christ would have been terribly disappointed at this pitiful weakling. I won’t lie, in the midst of all of my sickness, I was disappointed in me. Finally, at around 9:30, Sunday night, I agreed begged to go to the hospital. 

What a horrible experience! There were several people ahead of me, and though the vomiting had stopped, the diarrhea had not, and neither had the nausea. My husband had to get a wheelchair to wheel me in there, because by this time, I was too weak to walk. As I sat in the waiting room, there were several other sick people, and blaring loudly was the television, or as one of my former pastors used to call it, the “hellivision,” showing Mob Housewives, a show that I’d never seen before, and never wanted to see again! 

What a horrible thing to have on in an emergency room, where there are sick people! At that time, I wanted to hear words of hope, or some soft quiet music… Or, better yet, SILENCE over that! Instead, while my body was being assaulted by the spirit of infirmity that was attacking it, my ears and my vision was assaulted by that hateful, hopeless show…

That’s when I began to desperately pray over and over and over, Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; Save me, and I shall be saved, For You are my praise.” It wasn’t an eloquent prayer. I can’t even say it was a very faith-filled prayer. Rather, it was a desperate, monotone repetition. Looking back on it, I’ll be honest with you. My faith was weak and wavering. I kept repeating it, because I was desperate to believe that God would heal me.

The physician’s assistant finally decided to admit me at approx. 3:30 Monday morning, so I told my husband, who was suffering with a painful, swollen foot, to go home. Then, at approximately 4:00 that morning, he came back to say the doctor didn’t want to admit me. There I was, alone in the emergency room, sick and scared, and now they weren’t going to admit me? I must have looked like a pitiful mess, because he told me to just stay there for another hour or so, and when the doctor came, just tell him I was too sick to go home. That’s what I did. I was finally admitted to the hospital under observation at approx. 7:30 am. 

My early afternoon, I was feeling better, though still really weak. I actually thought I might be going home, when the nurse practitioner came in to see me at around 3:00pm, and informed me that I wouldn’t be going home that day, because I had C-Diff, which is a nasty intestinal infection, that can indeed be deadly if not treated. I was stunned. I thought I had probably gotten a stomach virus. They began treating me with antibiotics right away, and also giving me medication to replace the good bacteria that the antibiotics were killing. 

I am so blessed to be at home and alive now, and I am so thankful to a God, who loves us in our weakness. Indeed, His strength is made perfect in our weakness, and though my faith was weak, He still honored His word to:

Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; Save me, and I shall be saved, For You are my praise.

(Jeremiah 17:14 NKJV)

I came home this evening, and I’m going to go to bed as soon as I finish this post. Hallelujah! I get to sleep in my own home, with my husband, in my own bed! I’m alive. I am loved by the God who still has much work for me to do. My recovery is nothing short of amazing, and I know that God honored His word, even though my faith was weak. If you don’t believe me, just google this illness and see how bad it really is…

I’ll share more at another time, but for now, I’m wiped out, and my bed is calling me. Brothers and sisters, hold tightly to your faith, and cling to God’s word, because it truly is living and active, and He truly does honor His word. Thank you all for your love and prayers, and I pray that the Lord will bless each of you with a heart that seeks Him. His word also says:

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

(Jeremiah 29:11-13 NKJV)

Many blessings to you all!


Words of Jesus – Don’t Give What Is Holy To Unholy People

 “Don’t give what is holy to unholy people. Don’t give pearls to swine! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you.” (Matthew 7:6 NLT)


I had a horrible experience when I ministered in jail in August. As I was sharing the Word with the women, several, who were in the back of the room were quite noisy and disrespectful. I’ve been doing prison ministry since 2003, and I can usually deal with it when some of the women become loud or disrespectful, and it doesn’t usually fluster me, but this time was different.

I had to stop several times and ask them to be quiet, as they mocked me while I ministered. Then they began asking questions. Questions don’t upset me either, when someone is seeking answers, and if I don’t have the answer, I let them know that up front, and I try to get the answers to their questions when I minister in jail the next time. But again, this was different. You see, there was one woman, the ring leader, who was questioning me, not because she wanted answers, but because she wanted to argue.


She informed me that her grandmother was a pastor, and that she had never heard of the things that I was teaching. Then she would shoot me another question, only to disagree with the answer. Honestly, if I had said the grass was green, she would have argued with that, and I saw this, so I told her that I didn’t want to argue with her. Then I prayed against any spirits that would hinder the word of the Lord from going forth.

That’s when this woman got up and went to the door, demanding to leave. I was more than happy to oblige and call for an officer to take her and her following out. After they left, the atmosphere changed, and the women who were left in the room (only 7 remained) worshiped freely, asking me if I would return. I assured them that I would be back, Lord willing, in 2 weeks to minister.

And I was there again, 2 weeks later, to minister. Before allowing me to go in and minister, an officer informed me that several of the inmates, (those who had left the service early 2 weeks prior) had filed a grievance against me. I was stunned. I’d never experienced that before, and so I was asked to give a written statement of what had happened in that church service, which I did.

After completing my statement, I went to the room where the church service is normally held, and within a few minutes, the women were led to the door. When they saw that I was the one ministering that day, all of the women decided to return to their cells and not attend church. Wow. I was hurt and confused, because even those women who had remained in the church service the last time, the ones who asked me to please return, turned around and left. But then, 3 of the women decided to stay for the church service.

When I saw who had decided to stay for church, my heart dropped, and I felt an uneasiness in the pit of my stomach. It was the ringleader, and 2 of her cohorts. I started praying, and determined to share the word, but I was nervous and very uneasy. The relentless questions began almost immediately, from Ringleader, and you could see that her friends were becoming very uncomfortable, as she began to speak doctrines and things that are not in scripture.


One of her friends tried to tell her that what she was speaking was untrue, but she gave her a look that cowed her into silence. The other friend was a “yes” person, but you could see that she was uncomfortable too. I tried to share what the bible said about the things she was claiming, but she had control of the service, and that’s when it hit me.

This was no longer a worship service for the glory of God. It was a one woman show, that she was running. These 2 friends of hers were being indoctrinated with her rebellion and her false statements, and I couldn’t talk over her. Indeed, I didn’t want to talk over her. I came to minister, and she wouldn’t let me minister. So, I very calmly said, “I came here to minister today, and I’m not going to argue with you.”

“See?” she said gleefully. “I told you, she don’t know nothing.”

With that I walked over to the phone, called for an officer to take these 3 women back to their cells, and I left after being there for only 20 minutes. In all the years that I’ve been doing prison ministry, this was the first time that I didn’t complete a service, and I was devastated.

I immediately began questioning myself and the Lord. “Lord, are You trying to tell me that my season for prison ministry is over?” And, “Oh God, how should I have handled that?” Then, “Lord, what did I do wrong?” There’s only one thing that I did wrong, which may have prevented this whole thing… I didn’t pray enough.


But the Lord also let me know that I did the right thing by refusing to argue, and that it would have been pointless for me to try to share the scriptures with this woman, and He spoke these words into my spirit,  “Don’t give what is holy to unholy people. Don’t give pearls to swine! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you.” 

Brothers and sisters, there is a difference between someone sincerely seeking answers to questions about the Lord and His word, and someone who merely wants to argue. Discern that difference in people, and if you can’t discern, ask the Lord to give you discernment and wisdom. “Don’t give what is holy to unholy people. Don’t give pearls to swine! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you.”