The burden Joseph’s brothers carried on their shoulders, when nine of them, and not ten, left Egypt was crushing. “How are we going to tell Abba that Simeon is now imprisoned in Egypt, and their governor wants to see Benjamin as well?” Reuben choked out, as he fought back the tears that flowed freely from his other brothers eyes. As the eldest brother, he had to be strong for the others. “This could kill him!”
“I know,” Judah sighed. “But perhaps El Shaddai will show him mercy. For it was we, who sinned against Him, when we sold Joseph into slavery and death, not Abba. This punishment should be ours alone.”
“Maybe,” Levi said. “But I’ve noticed that every time we sin against El Shaddai, everyone, even the innocent, ends up suffering. Look at Abba. He has suffered enormously since Joseph died, and look at Benjamin. He certainly committed no sin, and yet, he too, has suffered. Since Joseph’s death, Abba won’t let him out of his sight. He smothers Benjamin in his grief.”
The brothers nodded in agreement, then fell silent, as they made their way home, with their donkeys. They made camp by a river, as the sun began to set, and a few collected firewood, while others led the donkeys to the river to drink. Then, after the donkeys had their fill of water, one of them opened his sack to get some grain for his donkey, and discovered his money on top of the grain. He face paled, and he began to tremble, as he called for his brothers to come. “Look! My money has been returned; it’s here in my sack!”
Their hearts sank, as they gazed at the money in his sack of grain, and they, too, began to tremble. Fear filled their hearts and minds, and they asked each other, “What has God done to us?” But no one had an answer to that question. Needless to say, no one slept well that night, and they were up before dawn. They quickly packed their belongings, and were headed home, just as the sky began to lighten.
When the brothers got home to the land of Canaan, they went to see their father, Jacob. There was no point in putting things off. “Did you get the grain?” Jacob asked, expectantly.
“Yes Abba,” Reuben spoke for the group, and continued, “but the man who is governor of the land spoke very harshly to us. He accused us of being spies scouting the land. We told him that we are honest men, not spies. We said that we are twelve brothers, sons of one father. We told him that one brother is no longer with us, and the youngest is at home with our father in the land of Canaan,
“Then the man who is governor of the land said, ‘This is how I will find out if you are honest men. Leave one of your brothers here with me, and take grain for your starving families and go on home. But you must bring your youngest brother back to me. Then I will know you are honest men and not spies. Then I will give you back your brother, and you may freely trade in the land'”
Tears welled up in Jacob’s eyes, as he gazed at his sons. “He took Simeon?” Jacob whispered and the brothers nodded, with their eyes downcast. Then they opened their sacks, and everyone saw the bag of money, which they had used to pay for the grain, in each man’s sack. Jacob began to wail, and he mournfully ripped his robe, as terror swept over him and his sons. Then he exclaimed to them, “You are robbing me of my children! Joseph is gone! Simeon is gone! And now you want to take Benjamin, too. Everything is against me!”
Reuben knelt down in front of his father, and the tears he had kept at bay for so long, ran down his face and into his beard. He gently placed his hands on his father’s shoulders and waited for Jacob to look into his eyes. Then Reuben said to his father, “You may kill my two sons if I don’t bring Benjamin back to you. I’ll be responsible for him, and I promise to bring him back.”
Overwhelmed by grief and anguish, Jacob had lost all hope. He had forgotten that El Shaddai, the All Sufficient God, cared for him and his sons. He forgot the visions and dreams he had received from El Shaddai over the years. He forgot the many times El Shaddai had provided for him and his family. He forgot the promises El Shaddai had made to him, his father, Isaac, and his grandfather, Abraham, before him. In his pain, Jacob was blind to the many blessings El Shaddai had given him. He only saw what he had lost. “My son will not go down with you,” he spat at Reuben. “His brother, Joseph, is dead, and he is all I have left. If anything should happen to him on your journey, you would send this grieving, white-haired man to his grave.”
Beloved reader, have you ever felt such searing pain and loss? Have you been so blinded by grief that you are no longer able to even see the many blessings God has given you? I have. When such agony envelops you, it is impossible to rise above it, as wave after wave of despair encompasses you. But thanks be to God! Even in the midst of our suffering, He is with us, ready to heal and deliver us from those broken places, if we will seek His face. When we are overwhelmed with hopelessness and grief, let’s cry out to God, as this psalmist did:
Psalm 42
Complete Jewish Bible
1 Just as a deer longs for running streams,
God, I long for you.
2 I am thirsty for God, for the living God!
When can I come and appear before God?
3 My tears are my food, day and night,
while all day people ask me, “Where is your God?”
4 I recall, as my feelings well up within me,
how I’d go with the crowd to the house of God,
with sounds of joy and praise from the throngs
observing the festival.
5 My soul, why are you so downcast?
Why are you groaning inside me?
Hope in God, since I will praise Him again
for the salvation that comes from His presence.
6 My God, when I feel so downcast,
I remind myself of You
from the land of Yarden, from the peaks of Hermon,
from the hill Mizar.
7 Deep is calling to deep
at the thunder of Your waterfalls;
all Your surging rapids and waves
are sweeping over me.
8 By day Adonai commands His grace,
and at night His song is with me
as a prayer to the God of my life.
9 I say to God my Rock,
“Why have You forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
under pressure by the enemy?
10 My adversaries’ taunts make me feel
as if my bones were crushed,
as they ask me all day long,
‘Where is your God?’ ”
11 My soul, why are you so downcast?
Why are you groaning inside me?
Hope in God, since I will praise Him again
for being my Savior and God.
© 2019
Cheryl A. Showers
Burning Fire Shut Up In My Bones 