Her eyes furtively stole a glance at him, sitting rigidly upright with both hands on the steering wheel. His firm young jaw line was tightly clenched, while his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed, trying to rid himself of the lump in his throat that signified how close he was to tears. She quickly returned her gaze to the passing fields, fighting just as hard as he fought, not to cry.
“Lord,” he prayed silently but earnestly, “I love her, and I want her to know that You are here and that You care for her, but she doesn’t take me seriously. She thinks I’m just a stupid kid, and this is just a phase that will soon pass. She’s so much older and wiser about so many things, Lord. How can I expect her to take me seriously? She’s the one who changed my diapers and kissed my boo-boos. And she came to almost all of my school programs, while working two jobs to make ends meet and take care of me all by herself.
“Oh God, I love her so much and she’s given up so much to take care of me. Father, more than anything, I want her to know that she’s not alone. Lord, please show her that You love her and that You’ve been there for her all along, and that you’ll never leave her or forsake her. Lord, please save my mom!” Jeremy cried out fervently.
Suddenly, though nothing had changed, Jeremy felt a gentle warmth wash over him, relaxing his rigid and anxious body, leaving him awash in peace. Though he loved his mother earnestly, he knew that only God could save her. Therefore, he would trust in the Lord with all his heart, and even though things looked hopeless, he would not lean on his own understanding. Instead, he vowed to acknowledge God in all his ways, and allow the Lord to direct his path.
Taking his eyes off the road for just an instant, Jeremy peered at his mother’s profile. She was an attractive woman, with naturally curly blond hair that she always complained about saying it was too frizzy. Jeremy didn’t think so. He loved his mother’s curls that could never be tamed, try though she did. She had a pert little turned up nose that was covered with freckles, and gray eyes that sparkled and danced most of the time. Though she wasn’t beautiful by the world’s standards, to her son, she was angelic, as she sat in the passenger seat with her hand outside the window, playing with the breeze. A huge sigh escaped his lips, startling his mother, who turned to catch his glance.
Jeremy smiled at her saying, “I love you Mom.”
Tears filled her eyes as she looked at her son, whose eyes were now back on the road, though he had taken her hand in his. “I love you too, Jer,” she choked out, “and I’m so sorry to disappoint you. I know how much this means to you, but you’re asking me to believe in something that you can’t prove, and as much as I love you, Son, I just –“
Still filled with that inexplicable peace, Jeremy squeezed his mother’s hand and responded, “It’s alright, Mom. You’ve already done so much for me. You’ve been there for me my whole life, loving me and caring for me. You’ve had to be both a mother and a father to me, and you’ve done a great job, Mom. God chose the best woman in the world to be my mom, and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but Mom, I don’t want you to say you love God or believe in Him for me. I want you to know Him for yourself, ok?”
Smiling, Cara lifted the hand that held her left hand and kissed it, then, with her left hand still held by his right hand, she looked out the window, smiling, as stuck her right had out of the open window, and enjoyed the feeling of the wind blowing against her hand. “Ok, Son, but don’t get your hopes up. Sweetheart, you just can’t expect me to believe in something or someone I can’t see or touch. You understand that, don’t you Jer?”
Now it was Jeremy’s turn to lift his mother’s hand and kiss it, as he drove them towards their home. “I understand, Mom, but we can talk about it, can’t we?” After receiving her permission to discuss the matter, Jeremy responded. “Thank you, Mom, I really appreciate that. How does the wind feel?”
“It feels great — not too hot and not too cold. I’d say it feels just right,” She smiled.
“Do you ever wonder where the wind comes from?” Jeremy asked.
Cara laughed out loud, “No, Jer, I’ve never really thought about it,” she responded, enjoying the feel of the wind on her outstretched hand.
“Well if you don’t know where it comes from, how do you know the wind is real?” he replied.
Her eyes narrowed as she responded to her son, “Come on, Jer. You’re going to have to do better than that.”
“Really?” Jeremy replied. “You said you don’t believe in God because you can’t see Him, but you can’t see the wind either, so why do you believe in that, but not God?”
“Ok, Jer, I’ll play with you. I believe in the wind, because even though I can’t see it, I feel it. I can feel it each time I stick my hand out the window. But you can’t say that about God, now can you?”
“Actually, yes I can, Mom. You see, just as the wind blows where it will, and you hear the sound of it, but you don’t know where it comes from or where it is going, so it is with the Lord. When you stick your hand out the window, you can feel the wind pushing against your hand, and you know it’s there, but close your hand and try to grab it, Mom. Even though you can feel the wind, you can’t hold onto it, can you?”
His mother responded, “No, Jeremy, I can’t hold the wind, but even though I can’t see the wind, I do see the effects of the wind, and that lets me know that the wind is real. But you can’t say that about your God, now, can you?”
“Oh yes I can, Mom. Just think about it. When you look back at where I was six months ago, before I was born again, were you worried about me?” At his mother’s acknowledgement, Jeremy continued, “When you look at the person I was then, and the person that I am now, you have to admit the change is pretty dramatic. But, you know what? Even though you can’t see God, you can see the effect that God has had on me, and that lets you know that He is real.”
Cara sat in silence, while her impassioned son continued. “And Mom, you say that you can’t feel God, but that’s not true. I’ve felt Him many times in the last six months, and I’ll tell you something else too. I felt Him before I was saved, but I just didn’t know that it was Him, and I know you’ve felt Him too, but you just didn’t know it was Him. And I’ll tell you something else, Mom. You felt Him tonight. I saw how moved you were when Pastor Tim was preaching, even though you tried to hide it.
“Mom, that was God drawing you tonight, but you were fighting Him, because you were scared. You go ahead and stick your hand out that window, and try to grab hold of the wind and control it. It can’t be done. And you can’t grab hold of God and control Him either. And listen, do you hear the wind blowing? If you talk to Jesus, and ask Him to help you hear God, He will. But you have to be quiet and wait, and listen, no matter how long it takes. Sometimes, He talks to you through the bible. Other times, He might talk to you through another person. Still, other times, He speaks to us audibly.”
Tears slid down Cara’s cheeks as her son ministered to her. How she loved her son, and she was so proud of the change in him too! They were both silent for the rest of the drive home, both pondering what they had discussed, while Cara kept her hand stuck out of the window, until finally, Jeremy pulled into their driveway and parked the car.
Then, after turning the car off, Jeremy turned around and gave his mom a kiss on the cheek, wiping her tears away. “I love you, Mom, and I won’t push you. I trust God to take care of you,” he said sweetly and lovingly, as Cara hugged her son and replied, “I love you too, Son — more than you’ll ever know.”
“The wind blows wherever it wants. Just as you can hear the wind but can’t tell where it comes from or where it is going, so you can’t explain how people are born of the Spirit.”
Cheryl A. Showers