You have the choice to erase one incident from your past, as though it never happened. What would you erase and why?
If I had the opportunity to erase one incident from my past, as though it never happened, what would I erase and why? This is actually a question that I’ve given a great deal of thought to. In fact, I’ve even ministered to female inmates about this very subject, and the truth is that if I could erase one incident from my past, I would pass on that opportunity.
If I could erase one instance of pain, abuse, rejection, abandonment or fear, I would refuse to do so, because every terrible, horrible incident in my life was ordained by God, to help mold me into the woman that I am today.
2 Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. 3 For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.
~ James 1:2-4 NLT ~
If I could go back to that day so many years ago, when as a scared little girl, I experienced the unthinkable, as my stepfather molested me, leaving behind a traumatized little girl with some very serious issues that would take more than two decades to resolve, I wouldn’t change a thing. For you see, that frightened little girl learned to cry out to God, seeking safety in Him, because there was safety in Him alone. Certainly, my earthly parents didn’t protect me.
If I could go back and pinpoint the time when I first felt unloved and unlovable, I would not erase that time, because when the Lord revealed to me the height and the depth, the width and the length of His love for me, I appreciated it so much more.
38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from His love. Death can’t, and life can’t. The angels can’t, and the demons can’t. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love away. 39 Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
~ Romans 8:38-39 NLT ~
Shall I give you an illustration of how God revealed His great love for me? My whole life, I felt unloved and unlovable, and I remember from the time I was a little child, having a deep longing to be loved. I used to hug my mother tightly and tell her I loved her, and though she said she loved me too, I couldn’t believe it, because I felt unlovable… Then, many years later, I remember riding in my car with my daughter, who was expecting her first child, a little girl, and we were talking about baby names and their meanings. Suddenly, as we rode along, I said to her, “Do you know what my name means?” When she said no, I told my daughter, “My name means, ‘Beloved.'”
Suddenly, the Lord began to speak to me, and I began to weep. “That’s right Cheryl,” He said. “Your name means ‘Beloved,’ because you are My beloved. It was I, who named you in your mother’s womb, and your whole life you longed to be loved, not knowing that I loved you all along. I loved you before you were born, and I loved you after. I loved you when you were rejected, and I never forsook you. I loved you when you were molested, and when you thought you were unlovable. You have always been My Beloved, and you always will be My Beloved.”
If I could go back and erase any instant or any day, I would erase none, because every step I’ve taken has led me here. I am now in a place where I know I am loved, and because of the pain, the abuse, the rejection and abandonment that I’ve suffered, I am not only loved, but I am able to love freely. Because I’ve been forgiven much by God, I am also able to forgive much. Because I know what it is like to be miserable and depressed, apart from Christ, I appreciate the joy that I’ve found in Him all the more.
Therefore, although I appreciate your kind offer of erasure, I must decline.
Cheryl A. Showers