300px-Birthday_cake2

Daily Prompt: Dear Mom

Write a letter to your mom. Tell her something you’ve always wanted to say, but haven’t been able to. 
Daily Prompt: Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

A birthday cake
A birthday cake (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s interesting how the Lord works. Today, the day before your birthday, the daily prompt is to write a letter to you and tell you something that I’ve always wanted to say, but haven’t been able to. And now, when I could say something to you about this, I find that I can’t, because I don’t think you would understand, and I don’t want to cause you anymore hurt or confusion than you already have to deal with. Therefore, I’ll write this letter to the woman you used to be, the younger you, who would be able to comprehend what I’m saying.

I love you Mom, and I want to tell you that I finally understand. I couldn’t have told you this years ago, because I didn’t understand then. I was so ravaged with my own pain that I was unable to understand why you abused me, and why you allowed Dad to abuse me as he did. I always wanted to ask you, “Why?” and, “How could you?”

I remember when I confronted you and Dad about the abuse and told you how deeply it hurt me, I didn’t ask why, because for some reason, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. And the truth is, I don’t think you could have told me why, because I don’t think you understood it yourself. But Mom, I get it now. I understand why, and I understand how you could have done it and allowed it, and I wish I could share it with you so that you could understand yourself, and forgive yourself.

You grew up in such a painful dysfunctional family, and you tried so hard to always say the right thing and do the right thing, and I understand how horrible it is when you have so much self-disgust. I understand what it’s like to think you’re not quite good enough, and to try and hide behind a mask of self-confidence, because you’re so fearful that if anyone discovered the truth about how you really feel, and what you really think, they would hate you as much as you hate yourself, and that could destroy you. Mom, I wish that you knew that I understand because I used to have those same feelings, and they’re wrong.

You never had to bury and hide the real you because God loved you anyway, and I would have loved you no matter what. In fact, I did and I do love you in spite of the years of abuse. I loved you despite the fact that you allowed Dad to continue abusing me, because you couldn’t handle the truth.

I understand so much Mom, because I inherited some of your coping mechanisms. It’s easier for me to ignore the unpleasant things in life, rather than facing them until I have no choice. It’s easier for me to wear my happy mask than to be open and let others see what I’m really feeling. It’s easier for me to be “strong” and numb, hiding my feelings even from myself, rather than acknowledging and allowing myself to feel pain, sadness and sorrow, and anger. But the problem with living like this is that it’s all to easy for our whole lives to become a lie, and when we refuse to feel, our hearts become hardened, and then it becomes all to easy for us to begin hurting others… Hurting people hurt people.

Mom, I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit who lives in me, because I could have very easily turned into a hardened, embittered woman, who is unable to love her family and those outside of her family, because she has no love or mercy for herself. Mom, I wish you could see yourself as God sees you. You are a beautiful woman, who has suffered much, and that suffering could have been used for good, if you had allowed it.

Even now, that you’re in the nursing home, I think that if you would allow Jesus to heal your broken places, He would give you peace, and empathy for others. My prayer for you, Mom, is that you would know Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, and that you would allow Him to be Lord of your life, so that He could begin the good work of healing you from all of the years of pain that you’ve held bound in your broken  heart. I pray that you would know, as all of God’s people should know, the length and the width, the great heights and the depths of God’s love for you. And I pray that you would love yourself as God loves you. I pray that you would know real peace and real joy, both here and now, and in the next life.

This is what I would express to you if you could understand. I love you Mom, and I pray that you have a wonderful, blessed birthday.

Love always,
Cheryl

© 2012
Cheryl A. Showers

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16 thoughts on “Daily Prompt: Dear Mom”

  1. I am sorry for your abuse. I am glad that you have found healing from God. I pray your mother finds healing and peace also. Breaking your silence and confronting your parents was courageous and painful I am sure. Thank you for honoring us by sharing your letter. Bless you.

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    1. Thanks so much Maria… I just finished baking her birthday cake, and it’s not nearly as pretty as that – although it is one of her favorites, and it is homemade… just not pretty. :D

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  2. I am so thankful that you can write this letter, Cheryl. I just know God is using it to help others write theirs. God bless you . .. and bring your mom into a realization of how much He loves her.

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  3. Oh, my, Cheryl. What a wonderful letter to your mother. I will pray that she experiences the healing you pray. My heart breaks for you because I have walked in the same shoes. When I saw this challenge today, it scared me. I would really like to write a letter to my father – he is still alive – but also to my mother – who is deceased. I will admit, I am afraid to write this letter – afraid of the emotion and/or raw feelings that may surface. But I probably will write because I need to. Then God can heal me some more because I will be able to let go of some more.

    Thank you for sharing your letter. Thank you for your courage and for sharing your experience. I, for one, will never forget. But I can forgive, and have forgiven as far as I could then. Perhaps this is another level of that forgiveness. God blessed you. I pray God continues to bless you. ~Debi

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    1. Thank you Debi for your encouragement. I pray that you will write those letters, even if no one but you and God ever see them, because this helps you to heal and gives more closure. Our healing is an interesting thing, each level of healing brings its own pain, as another layer is peeled off, but it is worth it, because the Lord gives us wholeness as we face our pain, deal with it, forgive and move on. One more thing that I’ve learned, forgiveness is not forgetfulness. You will always remember what happened, but the pain will continue to lessen, until the pain of the sin committed against you is no longer remembered, much like childbirth. I remember that it hurt like crazy, but I no longer feel that pain.

      God bless you Debi, as you continue to grow and heal!

      Love,
      Cheryl

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      1. Thank you, again, Cheryl. Your encouragement is so helpful. I will write those letters. I decided as I was writing my previous comment to you that I would. I do have to have a day where nobody will interrupt me, tho’ – like a weekday when Hubby is at work.

        You are absolutely right about forgiveness not being forgetfulness. I very dear friend of mine helped me years ago deal with yet another layer. She told me that to forgive does not mean to forget. It simply means to allow God to heal the pain you feel and try to move beyond it (the pain). Another layer is about to hit the dust!

        Thanks again. And I pray you have a blessed Christmas celebration. ~Debi

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